xifeng: (Default)
I've finally settled on a collective name for the co-workers who sit near me and with whom I'm friendly: the Army of Darkness. (My other option was the Mole People, but I think the Army of Darkness sounds a little more chaotic and one caffeine high away from unrestrained mayhem, much like us). I see them 40 hours a week (more often during peak periods), and for no apparent reason Jessica took the liberty of showing up in my dream last night. I was at church, but then got bored and went to go smoke in the stairwell at work, and Jess joined me, whereupon we talked about pie and I was telling her about coconut cream pie. (Except in my dream, "pie" didn't refer to real pie at all but a piecrust that had the shape of a soufflé, like a giant shell, that was then filled with filling.) So I mentioned this dream today, whereupon Jess was all MMMMMMMMMM PIE for the rest of the day.

And then towards the end of the day, this happened:
Rocksan: Are we getting pie?
l33: I don't know. Why?
Rocksan: You mentioned it when you sent me that update. [I have no memory of this, but let's be honest, I probably did. I send the proofers all kinds of stupid jokes along with their updates; I figure if they're going to be faced with a heinous stinkbomb of a revision, they may as well have a laugh with it. Also, it's part of my cunning ploy to get them to like me and do their updates.]
l33: Oh, yeah. I had this dream last night that Jessica and I were smoking in the stairwell and talking about pie.
Rocksan: So we should get pie. --Hey, wait, do you smoke in real life?
l33: Not anymore.
Rocksan: YOU SHOULD MAKE US PIE.
l33: Uh, we'll see.

So for all that is right and just in life, flist, I turn to you:

Vote! )

Godspeed, and choose wisely.
xifeng: (Default)
I spent ~23 hours at work this weekend, by which I mean I did 8 hours on Saturday, 9 on Sunday, and 6 today. But! My quota for the weekend is made, and I am done. At least until tomorrow.

Cosi Fan Tutte tix go on sale to the general public tomorrow. Why yes, I will be going to the opera this year. I haven't gone in years mainly due to lack of money, and dude that is changing. I'd like to take lolmom to see Carmen in Louisville, but the dates are problematic, viz.:
23 September is the day I'm having my wisdom teeth out, and I definitely won't be up to much of anything.
25 September is doable, but just; we're probably going to have to leave right after lolmom gets back from Religious Ed. (For those of you just joining us, lolmom teaches the confirmation class at her church.) I don't know how long mandatory overtime is going to continue, so I might need to have a day free, or else a lot of wangling.
30 September is doable for me, but it means not bringing lolmom because she has to work, and now I don't feel like I can do that

Randomly: I admit that this is my fault for using such a vague search term, but while punching "samurai" into Amazon will bring up some hugely entertaining stuff, it also brings up a lot of crap. Including some lolarious romance novels, which I may need to purchase for future snarking...
xifeng: (Default)
So I was bored at work today and while my thoughts were wandering, I happened to remember one of those memes where you compile a soundtrack for your life. I almost did this, but then it occurred to me that every song on that soundtrack would be Boots Randolph's "Yakety Sax" (best known as the theme to the Benny Hill Show, and guaranteed to make anything hilarious). My life is a farce, basically, so pretty much everything could be aptly set to Yakety Sax without seriously compromising the artistic integrity of the whole.

Including the sex scenes.

Especially the sex scenes.
xifeng: (Default)
Happy birthday, [livejournal.com profile] a_t_rain!

Please find here some "art", because it cried out to be immortalized. My efforts at mastering Photoshop's Color Change tool are, alas, unrewarded.

GIP

May. 2nd, 2010 01:21 am
xifeng: (OMG YAY)
So the sequence of events goes like this:

1.) H leaves.
2.) I watch a shitton of chanbara films as part of the healing process.
3.) I develop a stupid crush on Toshiro Mifune and will not shut up about it.
4.) I make the icon featured above.
5.) Everybody defriends me.

That is all. XD
xifeng: (hee!)
While I was being held hostage at the dealership this morning, I was reading Shogun (slightly under 100 pages to go, thank God, it's good enough for an adventure story but I'd rather read a Japanese samurai novel), and came across the following gem:

"Eh?" Van Nekk blinked myopically into the darkness at Blackthorne, who stood with the samurai under the flares. "Jesus Godinheavensamurai!"

Which immediately, in my tiny little brain, led to this:

I apologize for this, I really do. )

This has been l33, in her never-ending bid to bring you things that are only hilarious to her.
xifeng: (babies: fun to make and good to eat!)
I am not sure if anybody else will get the joke, so this is under a cut. I apologize for this, but [livejournal.com profile] arisha mentioned movies about the Incas, and I'd been kicking the idea around in my head for a while, so here 'tis.

The history geeks worship me as their god )

You're welcome.

[EDIT: This would actually have been a lot funnier if I'd done Tupac Amaru, which I just might get around to doing. Tupac Inca Yupanqui beat him to my memory bank.]
xifeng: (hee!)
Scone time! Scone time for LJ! Scone truck, scone truck! Scone truck is here! Fun as hell scones, you guys! (And yes, ass o'clock in the morning is scone time here.) Everybody get a scone! Or two! Or three! Scone truck!

:D

(To answer the obvious question: No. This post serves no purpose other than announcing that I have just made some scones.)

More inanity to follow.
xifeng: (Force 'n hoes)
To whom it may concern: I now have a new icon. I ganked the image from the best bad Star Wars fanfic ever and resized it in Photoshop, making it my most effortless icon ever. Also, I could not top the caption. I think I'm going to gank another one of the macros.

I will now find every possible opportunity to use these, and apologize in advance for this.
xifeng: (Default)
Yo, [livejournal.com profile] dethorats! I found some lolarious Smurf pr0n for you! No Care Bear pr0n yet, though.

(Warning, like you can't tell: Link is not safe for work, eyeballs, or childhoods.)

My work here is done. :D
xifeng: (are you being served?)
Back in the 1890s, when Westerners had just begun to discover the unending source of fascination that is Japan, the cheerfully scatological nature of Shinto creation myths was considered too indelicate for a general readership. To combat this problem, W.G. Aston, translator of the Nihongi (if I'm not mistaken, I believe his is the only translation in English, and let me tell you, you can get most of the information out of the Kojiki and also the Nihongi goes faster if you skip over Aston's footnotes) thoughtfully put the dirty bits in Latin. This was common practice in those days, and in the words of one commentator whose name I've forgotten, it "spurred schoolboys to feats of Latin erudition which they rarely matched in the classroom".

Having come across this delightful reminder of a simpler time, I felt the stirrings of civic duty deep in my heart. After all, as a classicist, it is my charge to bring the torch of Enlightenment to those of you not so fortunate as to know an ancient language.

As ever, this is a free service. I've thoughtfully provided the Latin text so that anyone who does read Latin can feel free to correct my translation. I've also tried to abstain from too many profanities, since the tone of the Latin doesn't lend itself to that. Ergo, if it sounds very formal and stilted, it's me being a not-very-skillful translator faithful to Aston's Latin.

Only click if you are a mature adult who is okay with reading HOT SEXY SEX SEX SEX DIRTY BITS. Or if you're a filthy, dirty pervert. That works too. )

O BBY. Now go have yourself a cold shower and lie down after all that nervous excitement.


* I was unable to find a gloss for "postemo", but given that it contains the root "post" I think it's safe to say that we're talking about a sequence of events happening AFTER the preceding sentences. Were I not so intellectually lazy, I would have gone upstairs to get my Latin dictionary.

[EDITED per [livejournal.com profile] augustuscaesar's suggestion that postemo might be a typo for postremo. Tara is my one love. Also, cupiebant has been changed to "wanted" rather than "desired", since the former is a more natural word choice.]

lolol

Jun. 14th, 2008 08:32 am
xifeng: (ACHILLES OMG SO TRAJIK!!!1111)
Well, today is already off to a good start. There's some hot Communism action over to the Stupid Comics page.

Now if I can find a samurai movie I haven't seen yet, today will be just perfect. :D
xifeng: (empire pasteded on yay!!!)
Preliminary announcement: My domain registration just expired, so the proverbial e-mail wasn't working for a bit in there. I just renewed it and it's now back up and running. If you tried to e-mail me, or wonder why I didn't respond to your comments, that's the deal.

For God knows what reason, I keep getting these Fingerhut catalogues in the mail. I don't buy things from Fingerhut. I have never bought anything from Fingerhut, and yet they arrive regularly, every two or three months, with a biohazard orange cover and giant letters informing me that THIS MAY BE YOUR LAST CATALOGUE, [Lee's Full Name]. If I never hear from them again, I'll be surprised.

Anyway, Fingerhut wants me to take out a credit account with them (like I don't have enough credit cards I'm trying to pay off), which would be fair enough if a.) I wanted any more debt, and b.) Fingerhut actually sold anything I really want. Except I was surfing through it last night, just to make sure there wasn't anything I really wanted, and there was the greatest backyard toy EVAR right there.

Dude. AN INFLATABLE PIRATE SHIP. WITH GUNS THAT SHOOT WATER. AND AN INFLATABLE TREASURE CHEST, AND INFLATABLE PIRATE HATS.

Tragically, however, it does not seem to have been made for people the size of [livejournal.com profile] dethorats and me, though [livejournal.com profile] treyvadi could possibly still pull it off. Also, if X-chan were here with her ¾ ton pickup, we could put it in the bed and drive around, pillaging shiny new SUVs at red lights just for the hell of it. Because nothing makes yuppie scum madder than having to try and reason with you while you're wearing an inflatable pirate hat, especially if you’ve already got at least 15 or 20 IQ points on them.

We'll have to do that sometime, just as soon as I get the other credit cards paid off.

(PSA: Apparently, real piracy is Srs Bsns. Don't try this at home, kids! This has been Lee's Half-Baked Moment of Peripheral Civic Duty.)
xifeng: (OMG TARA)
Note to [livejournal.com profile] augustuscaesar:

Unfortunately, I am unable to help you because I don't read the right kinds of scholarly work. D:

There is, however, a Gender Studies wonkette who has not only my full first and last name, but also the same middle initial. (I googled me.) I think she's Evil Alternaverse Lee, come to disrupt the space-time continuum or something and destroy classics 43V4H. She may also possibly want to murder me and wear my internal reproductive organs as a hat or something (in which case, she's welcome to them because I damn sure don't want the stupid things).

I'm not sure exactly what her area of specialization is, though, because I was so creeped out I didn't stick around long enough to find out.
xifeng: (Default)
Dear Lee,

Perhaps it would be totally bitchin' if you were to research some other tribal island society for t3h n0v3l omg, or if you were to read some nice soothing studies on acculturation instead. When you are dreaming about the Maori all night every night, there is a serious problem.

Everyone would appreciate it if you stopped.

Also, there will be no "research trip" to New Zealand, even if actual research is conducted there. You have a living to earn.

Now get up off your duff and go make dinner.

No love, and scant tolerance,
Lee
xifeng: (babies: fun to make and good to eat!)
I was dropping H a line to tell him where I was, and it's almost 3 a.m. and I'm back from my dinner with Joy (let's just say that there are several layers of drama involved, which I'm not going to go into), and I'm just incredibly coked out between engaging in hovering behavior vis-a-vis a sick m0mmy, trying to think of something to write that does not contain the word "beetgoblin", and having spent a couple-three hours reading, so long story short, I am sure the e-mail I sent H made no sense whatsoever, and for God knows what reason I almost wrote, "Love you bye" at the end.

Thankfully, I restrained myself, and thus, Disaster Is Averted (tm). Hee hee durhhh lol.
xifeng: (hee!)
Blog carnivals turn up the neatest things. For instance, this one: Back From Yet Another Globetrotting Adventure, Indiana Jones Checks His Mail And Discovers That His Bid For Tenure Has Been Denied.

If nothing else, this ought to bring joy to the heart of [livejournal.com profile] dethorats, who doubtless recalls hours of our misspent youth in front of sundry action-adventure series. XD
xifeng: (Default)
Running commentary:

1.) YAY BOOKS :D
2.) YAY FOR BEING ABLE TO KIND OF WRITE STUFF (even though it's on the "secondary novel", which is the one that doesn't have a set plan and I just write the dumbest shit that I wish I wasn't writing but fleshing out the world is fun)
3.) I have learnt that "He Moved Through the Fair" makes me want to be thirteen again so I can cry soppily over it. Curse you, [livejournal.com profile] queen_lily_rose!
4.) I am not getting enough sleep lately.
5.) I would make another comment here but it's raunchy and nobody wants to hear it and you'd all be better served if I don't say anything.
6.) H wrote! :DDDDD
7.) I'm in ur jurnaleng w3bstie sp4mm1n ur fr3nz page :D
8.) And in the spirit of [livejournal.com profile] driley1, I would encourage you to accept Tom Cruise as your personal savior, if for some ungodly reason you haven't done so already. Infidels.
9.) Oh, and in the spirit of [livejournal.com profile] dethorats whose recent Metalocalypse fic is totally bitchin', WOLF VOMIT IS SO TOTALLY METAL.
10.) I wonder how much of this will still be funny tomorrow.
11.) Okay, I need to log off and go to bed now.
xifeng: (Default)
Dear Tara,

Is it not enough to break my Firefox? Must MIE also refuse to pull up your journal as well? Oh, why must our love be so doomed? All I wanted to do was leave a comment! Angst! 3v0l! Cruelty! Woe! Misery! Suffering! Tragedy!

The comment itself was not breathtakingly profound, and was in fact to the effect of "rah rah rah you can do it go Tara go", so if you don't see it there's not much real loss to mankind there, but STILL. Why must the Int0rwebz be so cruel?!

ALL IS DOOOOOOOOOOOMED D:

♥,
l33
xifeng: (hee!)
Suck King Oscar's fish balls, baby.

That sounds like something he ought to see a doctor for, frankly.

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xifeng: (Default)
Wang Xi-feng

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