Thoughts From the Commute
Feb. 23rd, 2006 05:17 pmSticker seen on someone's back windshield in Sullivan County: "No Bags, No Switches, No Fat Bitches".
Immediate reactions:
1.) Clearly, these kids don't know what the word "switch" means in my world. The mental image was so hilarious that I burst out laughing several times on my way back to the hotel.
2.) I bet the owner of the car is a seventeen-year-old virgin. Not, of course, that there's anything wrong with that. Having once been seventeen years old, male, and virginal, I can assure you that my entire sex life at that point consisted of sitting around with my male friends and lying vigorously about all the pussy I wasn't getting.
3.) The idea that anyone would state on their car, in the form of a decal, who they're not willing to have sex with is both hilarious and pathetic, because it bespeaks an ego so overweening that the driver simply can't conceive of someone who wouldn't want to fuck him. (For the record, if I were the type to judge a man's cock by his car, I'd immediately write this particular seventeen-year-old virgin off as decidedly lacking. Neons strike me as girl cars.) And also, if I were going to list entire groups of people that I have no desire to have sex with, it would take a lot more space than my rear windshield. In fact, it would start something like, "ABSOLUTELY NO MEN, MINORS, GOTHS, BI-CURIOUS GIRLS, HARDCORE STONERS, NEO-NAZIS, PRETENTIOUS COMPARATIVE LITERATURE MAJORS, PEOPLE WHO DON'T KNOW WHAT CLASSICS IS," and would peter out long before I ever got to the tail end of people I have no sexual interest in.
Immediate reactions:
1.) Clearly, these kids don't know what the word "switch" means in my world. The mental image was so hilarious that I burst out laughing several times on my way back to the hotel.
2.) I bet the owner of the car is a seventeen-year-old virgin. Not, of course, that there's anything wrong with that. Having once been seventeen years old, male, and virginal, I can assure you that my entire sex life at that point consisted of sitting around with my male friends and lying vigorously about all the pussy I wasn't getting.
3.) The idea that anyone would state on their car, in the form of a decal, who they're not willing to have sex with is both hilarious and pathetic, because it bespeaks an ego so overweening that the driver simply can't conceive of someone who wouldn't want to fuck him. (For the record, if I were the type to judge a man's cock by his car, I'd immediately write this particular seventeen-year-old virgin off as decidedly lacking. Neons strike me as girl cars.) And also, if I were going to list entire groups of people that I have no desire to have sex with, it would take a lot more space than my rear windshield. In fact, it would start something like, "ABSOLUTELY NO MEN, MINORS, GOTHS, BI-CURIOUS GIRLS, HARDCORE STONERS, NEO-NAZIS, PRETENTIOUS COMPARATIVE LITERATURE MAJORS, PEOPLE WHO DON'T KNOW WHAT CLASSICS IS," and would peter out long before I ever got to the tail end of people I have no sexual interest in.
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