The Dangerous Existence of Madame Lee

BLOODWORK news: HEY YOU GUYS IT'S NOT DIABETES. :D There is some confusion over what I'm supposed to be doing with the meds, because the sequence of events went kind of like this:
1.) l33 is on 500 milligrams twice a day.
2.) l33 has bloodwork done in February.
3.) l33's doctor wants her to increase dosage to 1000 milligrams twice a day.
4.) l33 does.
5.) l33 has bloodwork done in May.
6.) l33's doctor apparently wants her to increase dosage to 1000 milligrams twice a day...again.
7.) ???

(We haven't reached the "PROFIT!!!!" stage yet. Hopefully we'll get there tomorrow.)

LOLMOM news: Lolmom is more chipper, though she did scare me when I talked to her this morning. Basically: lolmom has the amazing ability to carry on coherent conversations in her sleep. She opens her eyes, turns towards me, seems to understand who I am, and responds in ways logically consistent with things I say to her. Typically, she does not subsequently remember these conversations, which is why I never discuss anything important with her when I think she's asleep.

So this morning I went into the living room to say good-bye to lolmom, who was dozing on the couch. She woke up (or appeared to wake up) and turned towards me, and we said Hi and I said I was leaving for work.

Lolmom: lol i waz driveng hoem n i waz kind of slepy so i put my hed down on teh steereng wh33l n took a nap @ red lites n stop sines
l33: WHAT???? D: D: DDDD: [Those of you who were around last year may recall that lolmom actually DID once fall asleep at the wheel.]
Lolmom: lol ya i figured it waz teh closest i waz goeng 2 get 2 collidge

At this point, I began to suspect that she was perhaps not awake, but nonetheless the mention of napping at stop signs bothered me enough to call her about it around 2:30 (by which point she would really be awake and getting ready for work). So I repeated the entire conversation back to her, asking for reassurance that she was not ACTUALLY dozing off at stops and that she was just burbling mindlessly when she said that (as occasionally happens), and privately wondering whether I needed to take her car keys away and/or encourage her to be screened for signs of early-onset dementia.

Lolmom: lol i haz no recolekshun ov saying taht
l33: But you're NOT dozing off at stop signs and red lights, right, Mom? You're NOT taking naps behind the wheel?
Lolmom: lol no, idk wut i waz thinking
l33: Okay, good. Please don't start. D:

Also: I have my new hair on and I think it is really cute. I'm not sure how I feel about the curls, since my natural hair has Beautiful Natural Curls (tm) that I've spent years battling, but it's nice that it's long enough to pull up and away from my face when I feel compelled. :D A+++ will totally buy from there again. Pictures to follow if I can get my nearly-black natural hair to not show when I pull it up.

+ I had lost 16 pounds by the beginning of August. Despite making the worst possible food choices and never exercising, I have managed to not gain any of it back. I'm trying to see if regular exercising and at least taking my meds will help me drop a couple more. (Okay, so I have a ways to go before we're going to see a significant difference, but hey.)

+ Lolmom and I went out to El Maguey for her birthday yesterday. X-chan had said she might come up, but was tired from the long drive between Arizona and Tennessee, where she's beginning her new job, so didn't. X-chan did, however, come today; I had to leave to be at work by 3, so I missed lolmom's second birthday dinner (they went to Los Bravos). I did get to hang out with her for about an hour, hour and a half, during which time the conversation took the following tangents:
I Want My Dinosaur Book Back You Bastard
Kenny Rogers (and men who look like Kenny Rogers; fuckin' thank you, X-chan, now I have "The Gambler" stuck in my head)
Hey, X, Remember That Time You Asked Me To Help You Get Silly Putty Off The Hotel Ceiling?

+ Amazing things accomplished today (or not): Didn't oversleep, took my meds, exercised, paid my therapy bill, e-mailed resumés and wrote cover letters for printing tomorrow, worked on That Shitty Writing Project I Hate, did laundry, and hacked through the thicket of hair on my legs. (Some of you may be wondering why you are unfamiliar with this shitty writing project. I won't let anybody see it. It's that bad, seriously.) Also, replenished our butter and sugar coffers, as lolmom's birthday cake, a pumpkin pound cake, pretty much knocked out what we had. Also also, lolmom and I tried and failed to replace the lightbulbs in the basement (the long, tube-shaped incandescent kind), and have come to the conclusion that we may have to start buying only one brand since they seem to be the kind that work.

+ I have been really AIM-avoidant lately and not for any good reason. This only affects like two people, but srry gaiz anyway.

+ I only have to work tomorrow and then I am going to Bl♥♥mingt♥n on Tuesday when I am off next. :DDDDD

At the end of last week, the lolmom happily skipped into the living room to watch television, only to find that the digital display asked her to PLEASE WAIT. After twenty minutes of waiting, there was still no television. Oddly, the TV set in the den works properly, which has been a source of annoyance to me because the lolmom wants to talk. When I am reading or on the computer, I do not want to talk other than in monosyllables and tend to say things like, "I'm trying to read," or "Please don't interrupt me while I'm giggling at Throne of Blood vs. Yakety Sax for the umpteenth time". Fortunately, she works nights so I can watch all the Int0rbuttz pr0n I want while she's gone.

So the lolmom called Hindsight Cable, where the phone monkeys gave her the runaround while she patiently explained that she could not call in every time something was wrong because she gets home at 6:30 in the morning when their offices are not open, and then goes to sleep. Finally, they told her (on Monday) that they'd have someone out today, so she was without her cathode-rayed friend for about a week. Apparently, we needed a smaller box, which is now lying against my TV that I only use to watch movies, and I don't know what we're going to do when we finally finish painting the guest room (project begun in 2008, never finished, and I may take matters into my own hands. I have threatened to paint it a magnificent crimson, which made the lolmom go DDDDD: because she is opposed to color).

The point of all this is twofold.
1.) Hindsight has consistently failed to impress with their mad skillz.
2.) duokinneas, is there any way you can book a flight so I can be all OMG TALYN WILL NEED A PLACE TO SLEEP WHEN SHE'S HERE??? Because that would probably get us a finished guest room AND a caulked bathtub. :D It's okay if you cancel the flight after the house is improved!

Jesus Christ. Did y'all miss me? (Ha! You probably didn't notice I was gone!) We've had no Internet for the past week, due to a tale of fuckery and woe, which is why all my posts have been goddamn Twitter.

( Behind a cut because this is a long story )

Because I spent last night searching for fetish fuel on the Int0rbuttz, and it's my journal so I won't shut up about it, I found this and thought I'd share it because it made me giggle. Most pertinently, I would call your attention to the caption (scroll down).

DAMN RIGHT that is not Dennis Quaid. I have never ovulated all over the place after looking at Dennis Quaid. In fact, unlike Dennis Quaid, I could look at that all damn day.

You can all go about your business now.

Things that have happened lately, which may or may not be of general interest:

+ Mom's heating coil in her car is shot, so she has a loaner, which spares me the necessity of carting her around (thank God). It will, alas, cost $1500 or thereabouts to fix, and the parts probably won't be in until later this week because that's just how those stories go.

+ Mystery of the Missing Paychecks was solved last week. I was going to cash a couple of paychecks (I get paid every week, and last month I was still getting checks for work I'd billed for in July, since we'd agreed that I'd start on 1 August to make it easier to bill). I was going to go to the bank after I got off the phone with Joy, and couldn't find my paychecks (I distinctly remembered they were in my car), and tore the downstairs apart looking for them. Long story short, I had stuffed them in a library book which I then returned (presumably I put them in there so I wouldn't forget about them). The librarians were nice enough to ring me up and let me know.

+ Had dinner with Joy Fri. night. Mmm, red meat and chocolate pie.

( I CAN HAS MAORI NAO???? )

The East is Red, the Butt is Numb.

My sixteen-year-old self, shiny-eyed with True Believerism and seeing nothing ludicrous about addressing a total stranger as "comrade", would be at a loss to understand why this is funny.

My twenty-six-year-old self, terribly urbane and mature, guffawed audibly at the last picture. As, I suspect, will dethorats.