The Dangerous Existence of Madame Lee

TEETH update: ( Behind a cut because I realize this shit is getting kind of tedious and you've heard a lot of it before )

X-chan is here! She came up yesterday and we went out to Iwataya for dinner last night, where I had the sushi and sashimi platter. Omg raw fish so goooooooood. :9 (Lolmom does not care for raw fish, which I love, and I don't like to go to decent restaurants by myself. IHOP or Denny's is one thing, as are lunch spots and fast food, but if it's the kind of place where I'm actually going for the food, I like to have someone with me. I'm just odd that way.)

Watched Samurai Assassin. ( SPOILERS. DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU HAVE ANY INTENTION OF EVER SEEING THIS MOVIE. )

duokinneas, I heard there might be pr0n this weekend!

1.) To whom it may concern: Please stop eating my FUCKING peppers. They are my peppers. I potted them. I water them on a daily basis. I pick them when they are ripe. They are not your peppers. I planted them for me to eat, not for you. You have already ruined two of my yellow peppers.

...Wait a minute. Is this duokinneas? Is this Talyn pretending to be some sort of bug? If yes: God damn it, Talyn. I'm going to cover you with Sevin dust and then put your desiccated carcass out with the trash and I hope you learn an important lesson from that. Like specifically DON'T BE ALL UP ON MY PEPPERS.

2.) I made codfish pie and then totally forgot to have any until like three days later. Oops? It actually isn't that bad, though it is kind of bland. I would totally eat the potato topping by itself as a side dish, though.

Also, the lolmom made sautéed zucchini and tomatoes, that bête noir of my childhood, for dinner tonight. (I was hungry on account of my dinner was forty minutes late, so Cheesy Poop Fries would have tasted pretty good at that point. Assuming that such a recipe exists, and that I could suppress my knowledge of what was in it.) It was less heinously offensive than I remembered, even if the zucchini was limp, but then it combined noxiously with my meds and gave me some gastrointestinal issues and now I take back that assessment. (In conversation, it was revealed that the zucchini was already starting to go bad.) Sautéed zucchini and tomatoes shouldn't be awful, because there's not a thing in there I don't like, but they are. DDDD:

3.) I think I might be getting better, because I've gone aeons without watching anything with Toshiro Mifune in it and I'm fine. Relatively speaking. I'm not sure if I'm ready to mentally break up with him, though.

4.) I have been overthinking a bunch of things that nobody cares about. augustuscaesar is, as ever, requested not to spill my secrets to the entire Int0rbuttz.

Last night, I engaged in the following exchange:
l33: (quietly sits at computer, looking at Int0rwebz pornography or something similar)
Spider: (drops onto monitor frame) HI THERE THIS IS MY COMPUTER NOW BITCH AND IF YOU TRY TO KILL ME I'LL EAT YOU. ::::D
l33: (grabs can of Die Spider Die and engages in chemical warfare) OH YEAH? YOU THINK YOU'RE BETTER THAN ME? ARE YOU ALSO BETTER THAN POISONOUS DEATH? WHERE IS YOUR SPIDER GOD NOW???

I have yet to see the spider again. Such will be the death of all freaky eight-legged nightmare beasts which have the misfortune to cross my path. My paranoia has taken some very embarrassing routes that I'm not going to share with you because they're that stupid and paranoid.

Also: OMG YOU GUYS THE TOMATO AND PEPPER PLANTS ARE STARTING TO FLOWER. The Japanese eggplant and yellow pepper plant are delicate snowflakes and tend to wilt easily, but hopefully some more water took care of that. Also, the herbs are doing really well. (The lolmom's diabolical plan involves letting the caraway plant waste itself to seed and then using the seeds for rye bread.)

( Also also, further thoughts on Shôgun, hidden under the cut in case there are spoilers and you haven't seen it yet for whatever reason )

Jesus Christ. Did y'all miss me? (Ha! You probably didn't notice I was gone!) We've had no Internet for the past week, due to a tale of fuckery and woe, which is why all my posts have been goddamn Twitter.

( Behind a cut because this is a long story )

Hey, galhea, sorry for cutting out on you last night. We had a minor-league thunderstorm and I lost my connection. Also, I had surprise cake for breakfast and it was indeed the greatest thing ever.

( A lot of blather about movies and some hefty fangirling under this cut )

Also, I am filled with loathing and disgust for this romance novel I am reading at present. Seriously, I realize that romance fans have certain expectations of the genre, just as I have certain expectations of fantasy or sci-fi or historical fiction or samurai movies, but just once it would be nice to read a romance that didn't reinforce traditional gender norms and roles, even while it's trying to tell me that it's up to date and empowering and feminist because the heroine has a high-powered career. (And mind you, I don't consider myself a feminist, but even so, a lot of the subtext in these novels makes it seem as though the heroine is only pursuing her high-powered career until she meets Mr Tall Dark Stereotype and they get married and she starts crankin' out the babies. Because love isn't complete without marriage and babies, y'all.)

Dude, if I had written this novel, which has an OH NOES UNEXPECTED PREGNANCY subplot, the hero would be all, "Look, if you decide to keep the baby, I'm more than willing to pay child support and be an involved father. But it's up to you to decide what you want to do about this, and I'll support you in whatever your decision is." Because to me, that's a lot more fuckin' sexy than the actual unsubtle harangue that appears in the book. Granted, I might feel very differently about it if I were pro-life.

Why do I read romance on occasion? For the lulz, and in the hope that I may actually find a book or two that's worth a re-read.

Also, because public shame is a big motivator for me:
( One final cut, I swear )

1.) Happy birthday, daturabelle!

2.) For someone who was going to crash immediately upon arrival at home (after a 6-2 shift), I have done a pretty respectable job of staying up late. galhea and imperfectkatoru are good for that kind of thing, though.

3.) I have decided to save Duel at Ichijoji Temple for when I'm a.) not RPing and b.) less tired and can appreciate Toshiro Mifune its rich tapestry of themes and leitmotifs and oh shit are those SAMURAI??? better.

4.) T minus about 36 hours or so (leaving for weekend trip). Wheeeee!

5.) Note to duokinneas: NO PART 3 UNTIL YOU COMMENT ON PART 2. Or I'll eat all the waffles myself and not let you have any. (j/k you know I can't refuse you waffles, or anything for that matter ♥)

So I put together this birthday tribute to Toshiro Mifune over to phony_boyfriend, if by "tribute" you mean "I resized a bunch of pics in Photoshop and slapped some silly captions on them", and during the process of my *cough* painstaking biographical research, wandered over to Badass of the Week and discovered that I am, apparently, an eight-year-old boy. Because most of the time on a majority of occasions sometimes I don't ever want to think about anything but kickassitude, either. That was how I ever got interested in history and ancient warfare and samurai and WWI and so on: I just wanted to think about badasses all the time. (Also, sometimes I tire of being a fat, pasty white girl with all the hand-eye coordination of a dead geranium. I am working on fixing the fat, but the pasty white will always be with me due to my ethnicity, vanity, and deep fear of skin cancer, and my hand-eye coordination will probably never improve, so I'll be breaking shit for the lulz until I die. So, yeah, going one for three there.)

Do any of y'all ever have this thing going where you get a book out of the library and it turns out to kinda suck (bonus points if you suspected it was going to kinda suck) and you really don't want to finish it but you feel guilty if you don't? The book in question is a lolarious piece of conspiracy theory called Architects of Conspiracy by William P. Hoar; I shave with Occam's razor for a close, sexy smoothness you can feel over the Int0rbuttz, and so I automatically treat all conspiracy theory as invalid. Also, while I've no beef with intelligent, articulate conservatives* who aren't whackjobs, and am willing to give their opinions some consideration even if I ultimately wind up not agreeing, I have to wonder when this particular piece comes with a ringing endorsement from a member of the John Birch Society.

I dunno. I just...feel guilty when I don't finish shit, even if it's boring or stupid or improbable or any of the above. Oh, and this dreck has to go back tomorrow.

Um, in unrelated news, paid some bills (hooray! I can drive my car for another month! :DDD), also ate some strawberries. I picked up some really good ones at the 'Mart for $1.50 a box, which was ttly awesome. Also, I would be deeply appreciative if my body would STOP. BLEEDING. anytime soon. I am tired of blood everywhere.

[EDIT: Also, I located my copy of The Chrysanthemum and the Sword, so you don't have to listen to my epic failwangst about how I can't fiiiiiiiiiiiind it and why isn't it with the oooooooooother books about Japan and what could have haaaaaaaaaaappened to it etc etc etc.]

*I don't identify as conservative OR liberal; there are intelligent, articulate voices on both sides, and there are also fruitbats who make me fucking sick on both sides. Unfortunately, the latter tend to drown out the former.

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Samurai movies will cure what ails me every time. The mechanism at work is still not fully understood, but I believe it is one or more of the following:

1.) I love me some medieval and/or early modern Japan and I'm always up to lose myself in that era and culture. (Which reminds me: dude, why are there not more movies about the ancient world? Or about late tsarist/early Soviet Russia? Because I would be all over those too. Anyway.)

2.) I'm going to die (or fail, or have a bad life for a little while). But whatever happens, chanbara films remind me that I can still man up, give it my best shot, and die with both swords swinging like a samurai, preferably after having taken out my adversaries. That's the great thing about samurai flicks: you get points for trying, even if you ultimately bomb out. I guess the message I take away from all this is that I might fail, but I can choose to fail well or badly.

3.) One of King Zeus' finest creations EVAR, Toshiro Mifune, features prominently in many of these triumphs of cinematic art, sometimes with various of his body parts clearly visible. Hey, I never said I wasn't a shallow fangirl with a crush.

This is why I like samurai movies, by l33, aged twentysomething going on seventeen. :D

First off, a happy belated birthday to momo! Yesterday, you were 21, and can now drink rhubarb wine (and also spleen wine, if spleens ferment well).

Also, I have had some very interesting conversations in the course of the past 24 hours. And that's all I'm really going to say about that.

Tomorrow: I am off, and Yojimbo should be here shortly. Yay sekrit boyfriend!