Free Pr0n Friday!

[xifeng]

Back in the 1890s, when Westerners had just begun to discover the unending source of fascination that is Japan, the cheerfully scatological nature of Shinto creation myths was considered too indelicate for a general readership. To combat this problem, W.G. Aston, translator of the Nihongi (if I'm not mistaken, I believe his is the only translation in English, and let me tell you, you can get most of the information out of the Kojiki and also the Nihongi goes faster if you skip over Aston's footnotes) thoughtfully put the dirty bits in Latin. This was common practice in those days, and in the words of one commentator whose name I've forgotten, it "spurred schoolboys to feats of Latin erudition which they rarely matched in the classroom".

Having come across this delightful reminder of a simpler time, I felt the stirrings of civic duty deep in my heart. After all, as a classicist, it is my charge to bring the torch of Enlightenment to those of you not so fortunate as to know an ancient language.

As ever, this is a free service. I've thoughtfully provided the Latin text so that anyone who does read Latin can feel free to correct my translation. I've also tried to abstain from too many profanities, since the tone of the Latin doesn't lend itself to that. Ergo, if it sounds very formal and stilted, it's me being a not-very-skillful translator faithful to Aston's Latin.



Context: Izanagi no Mikoto and Izanami no Mikoto, the creator deities, are, well, creating Japan and that. Actually, they're creating a pantheon first.

Postemo* cupiebant coire, sed artis nescii erant. Tum erat motacilla quae advolavit, atque concussit suum caput et suam caudam. Quod cum vidissent duo Dei, imitati sunt eam, et in hoc modo artem coeundi potiti sunt.

At last, they wanted to have intercourse, but they were ignorant of the art. Thereupon a wagtail flew towards them, and brought together her head and her tail. When the two gods had seen this, they mimicked her, and in this manner they acquired the art of intercourse.


O BBY. Now go have yourself a cold shower and lie down after all that nervous excitement.


* I was unable to find a gloss for "postemo", but given that it contains the root "post" I think it's safe to say that we're talking about a sequence of events happening AFTER the preceding sentences. Were I not so intellectually lazy, I would have gone upstairs to get my Latin dictionary.

[EDITED per augustuscaesar's suggestion that postemo might be a typo for postremo. Tara is my one love. Also, cupiebant has been changed to "wanted" rather than "desired", since the former is a more natural word choice.]

Comments

[tara]

Could 'postemo' be a typo for 'postremo'?

[shake-the-stars.livejournal.com]

...it ttly could be. I didn't even think about that.

DON'T TRANSLATE AFTER BEING UP ALL NIGHT, KIDDIES. :D

[tara]

I'd need a dictionary handy to translate most of that, regardless of whether I'd been up all night or not :)

[shake-the-stars.livejournal.com]

Secretly, I cheated and used the Lewis and Short version available through the Perseus Project *g* I do retain enough Latin that I had the gist of most of it before starting to formally translate, though. :)

[tara]

I have a really poor memory, so if I want to remember vocab, I basically have to practice it every few days.

[the-amberly.livejournal.com]

...oh wow. That's hot.

[shake-the-stars.livejournal.com]

Yeah, nothing says "hot sex" like the sudden and random appearance of a bird *g*

[samanosukesgirl.livejournal.com]

Or if you're a filthy, dirty pervert.

Point!! xD

[shake-the-stars.livejournal.com]

Here at The Profane Tales, we strive to cater to our valued filthy, dirty pervert audience. :D

O.O

[pixelation.livejournal.com]

RAWR!

Re: O.O

[shake-the-stars.livejournal.com]

Try to control yourself there ;)

[duokinneas.livejournal.com]

I'm typing this comment with one hand, Lee. Thanks a lot for overstimulating my puny brain! All that pr0n in one night is certainly too much for me to handle.

Actually, the only reason I'd ever be fapping over this is the Latin, which I find very impressive regardless of any typos going on, but alas, I am not fapping. I'm just impressed and feeling giggly over this dirty, dirty post.

[shake-the-stars.livejournal.com]

That's because pr0n dissipates one's energies and enervates one's soul. You know what the cure for that is? That's right: manly hard labor. Though you'd have to do a lot of manly hard labor to make up for that hot, hot wagtail action. ^_-

The Latin is actually not that difficult, grammatically speaking, but I'll never convince you of that. ^^6 *squeezes her giggly ukelette*

[duokinneas.livejournal.com]

Apparently, one's soul is also enervated by the presence of wagtails. I never thought that having a bird present at the time of copulation would count as exhibitionism, but...I now think otherwise. I mean, it was too hawtt for words!

Nah, you won't. Latin is one of those languages that is imposing and astounding to me, like looking at the King passing by and meeting his gaze; but since I don't want to be the King, I don't think I want to learn Latin. And besides, I only have a mind that wraps around Japanese, so I'm afraid of the day I up and decide to learn Korean and/or Mandarin. I'll screw up the grammar rules so badly.

[shake-the-stars.livejournal.com]

I made the mistake of surfing AFFN ("Billions and Billions of Childhoods Raped") earlier today. That enervated my soul, let me tell you. To remind myself that I am a man, I went out and braved the mosquitoes in my very badass way, so that we might eat MEATS that had been cooked on an OPEN FIRE.

(Speaking of meats, even if you hadn't sworn them off, you almost certainly are not interested in this (http://www.failblog.org/2008/07/04/product-promotion-fail/).)

In re: the matter of hawtt pr0n, I had a wonderful, terrible idea. Maybe I can work on it when I'm supposed to be writing other things. :D

Silly seahorse, if you can learn Japanese, you can learn Latin! ^__^ I suspect I've enabled you too much to see the percentage for you in actual study of Latin, though. ("Why should I?" Talyn said, leaning back in her desk chair. "Lee translates everything for me anyway." She then made a little emoticon face.)