LOL PRETZELS

[xifeng]

Dear computer:

LOAD MY FUCKING BOYFRIEND, BITCH. JUST DO IT. I HAVE HAD A BUNCH OF WORK DUMPED ON ME THAT I CANNOT POSSIBLY FINISH TOMORROW, AND RIGHT NOW I JUST WANT TO LOOK AT GAEL.

Thank you for your attention to this matter.


And now for something completely different, by request from dethorats: the H***** family's age-old pretzel recipe, which I think Mom actually clipped from a newspaper or sommat sometime in the late '70s or early '80s. This recipe can also make two loaves of rather good bread instead of 20 pretzels; if you do that, increase the cooking time to 30 or 35 minutes.


You will need: 2 cups milk
1 envelope active dry yeast
1/2 cup very warm water
1/2 cup sugar
1 1/2 teaspoons salt
1/4 cup vegetable oil
6 3/4 cups flour
3/4 teaspoon baking powder
3 tablespoons salt
1 egg
1 tablespoon water
4 teaspoons coarse salt (we use Morton's Kosher salt)

Scald milk by warming over low heat until small bubbles begin to form around sides of pan. Remove from heat, cool to lukewarm. Sprinkle yeast over warm water in a large bowl; stir to dissolve. Add sugar, one and one-half teaspoons salt, and oil. Add lukewarm milk.

Beat in three cups of the flour to make a smooth batter. Cover and let rise in a warm place until double in volume and bubbly, about forty-five minutes. Stir down batter. Mix baking powder with three more cups of the flour. Stir into batter, one cup at a time, to form a stiff dough.

Turn dough out onto a well-floured board; knead about five minutes until smooth and elastic, using only as much of the remaining flour as needed to prevent sticking. Lightly flour the board and roll dough out to a ten-by-sixteen inch rectangle. With a sharp knife cut into twenty strips, each sixteen inches long and one-half inch wide. With the palms of your hands, roll one strip back and forth on board or a table to form a twenty-four-inch-long strip. Holding one end of the strip in each hand, twist into a pretzel shape. [Note from l33: The recipe shows pictures; I think it's safe to assume you know what a pretzel looks like.]

Repeat with all strips. Let rise uncovered on lightly floured board for thirty minutes. When nearly ready, heat two quarts of water to boiling in a large saucepan; add three tablespoons salt and stir to dissolve. Using a large slotted spatula, lower one pretzel at a time into gently boiling water for two seconds; lift out and tilt to drain off water. Place pretzels one-half inch apart on a well-greased baking sheet.

Beat the egg with one tablespoon water and then brush lightly over each pretzel. Sprinkle with coarse salt. Bake at 400 F for eighteen to twenty minutes until crust is golden brown. Eat while warm or cool on wire racks.


Time-consuming, but deliciously worth it! :D

Comments

[tara]

I'm totally saving this, even if I never get around to trying it out :)

[shake-the-stars.livejournal.com]

Admit it, you just want to giggle over me referring to Gael as "my boyfriend". ;)

Seriously, I hope you do get to try it, because it is YUMMY. I'd suggest waiting for a weekend that coincides with a pretty!good!day healthwise, because this is kind of time-consuming. But worth it. We have pretzels every Easter. :)

[tara]

Not really. I've been referring to Jennifer Saunders as my secrit girlfriend for years now :D

I could just make mum do the time consuming part *g*

[shake-the-stars.livejournal.com]

OMG SEKRIT FOURSOME! We can double-date! :D

Ooh, you are so 3v0l. *g*

[tara]

We would be a multi-national foursome!

I am. I am a bad, 3v0l daughter who makes her mother cook nice things for her *g*

[shake-the-stars.livejournal.com]

OMG YES! Also at least 75% of the foursome would be hawtt *g*

Hey, me too (when I'm not cooking nice things for teh m0mmy). OMGOURLOVEISSOMEANTTOBE! :D

[tara]

We would have beautiful multi-national babies! If they ever work out a way of three girls and a boy churning out the one kid *g*

Don't you mean OURLOVEISSOSELFISHANDSPOILT! ?

[shake-the-stars.livejournal.com]

I think Jennifer will have to churn it out by default, because I am not producing children and you are not producing children that are coming from your personal stomach and mpreg is stupid, not to mention biologically impossible. See? I have a solution for EVERY problem! :D

Oh, that too. Or OURLOVEISSODORKTASTIC, which is certainly apt.

[tara]

She'll have to churn it out, but we'll have to come up with some kind of fiendish technique of combining three eggs and a sperm. Possibly involving a ray gun, just because it sounds like fun.

*snort* I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about. ;)

[shake-the-stars.livejournal.com]

Ray guns are always fun :) We could also have triplets. Then we could have a big sign pointing to the one from my defective egg that said ADOPTED, or WE LOVE TARA'S AND JENNIFER'S GENETIC MATERIAL BEST. :D

We would never be dorktastic. Why, we don't even know the meaning of the word! ;)

[tara]

I don't think I would like triplets, because imagine all the nappies, and I doubt Gael and Jen would change all of them for us :(

Unless, of course, we could have a nappy-changing ray gun...

I think it's a kind of cheese.

[shake-the-stars.livejournal.com]

Hmm. Maybe we could freeze two of the eggs and evenly space our hypothetical offspring over a period of several years. And make out a chart with nappy-changing duty.

Although a nappy-changing ray gun is certainly the best technological innovation you never saw on Star Trek.

Oh. I thought it was a byproduct of cellophane production.

[tara]

As long as said chart never has me on nappy changing duty, all is well.

I think I could become a billionaire, if only I knew how to invent one.

I'm fairly sure it's cheese. Unless it's a cheese byproduct of cellophane production...

[shake-the-stars.livejournal.com]

What if I were to invent a hack that would cause the nappy-changing ray gun to remove Gael's pants at appropriate intervals? Why, you'd almost HAVE to pick it up, just to see what would happen! :DDDDD

There is that. *snibble*

That doesn't sound like it would be very tasty cheese, though. It sounds like Cheez Wiz, and we ALL know what THAT means.

[tara]

Um, only if it would remove Jen's pants at appropriate intervals, too. I am Gael-unimpressed *g*

Only because you've previously disclosed the horror of cheez wiz to me!

[shake-the-stars.livejournal.com]

But of course. The downside here, however, is that I can see this rapidly degenerating into Pants-Removing Revenge Contests (tm). I have infected yet another happy home with my ravening immaturity.

I will be afraid if this appears in a future Sims!post. ;)

That is because Cheez Wiz is horrible.

[tara]

I'm sure Gael and Jen would be so very happy with us.

Hee. But I don't have a you!sim because I limited myself to people I've met IRL. I kinda want to remove a certain person*, though, so maybe I'll eventually succumb to people I haven't met.

How can something with creative spelling be horrible???

* Not your certain person. Someone whom I'm unwilling to name in an unlocked post, even if the likelihood of her reading it is slim. (Not Allegra. I removed the her!sim when we broke up)

[shake-the-stars.livejournal.com]

I can't see how they could fail to be. The four of us are so made for each other. ;)

To make a l33!sim, simply give it dark hair sticking up in fifteen different directions, glasses, and a rather psychotic-looking facial expression. Or just make it really, really manly. Whichever.

SUBMIT TO THE P0W4H OF PPL YOU HAVEN'T MET. We love you, and will not hurt you.

I think I can guess the sekrit identity of this person, but will not name names since it's supposed to be a sekrit from her.

[tara]

Jen's husband might disagree, but I intend to hook him up with Rik when I marry Jennifer, so all will be well in time.

Uh-uh. If I were to make a Lee!sim, I would FORCE you to send me more photos. Preferably ones minus the scary orange lighting that my existing photo of you has *g*

Does this mean I have to reply to the scary moroccan man who just messaged me on MySpace? I DON'T WANNA!!!

It is a complete and utter sekrit! Although probably wouldn't be quite so sekrit if I posted sims entries with her gone from that house.

[shake-the-stars.livejournal.com]

Well, there you go. I don't know what's to object to.

Then you should save all my photos, as some do not have scary orange lighting. :D

No, no. You should only submit to the p0w4h of not!scary ppl you haven't met who love you. ♥

Yes, that could be something of a giveaway.

[tara]

You never know with these sekrit partners. Sometimes they chuck tanties over the most irrelevant of things.

I only ever got to see that one group of photos, all of which were orangy :( WOE

That is good. Because I get too many stupid myspace messages from middle aged men in third world countries wanting to use me for an australian visa.

Yah. Am kind of over caring now, though.

[shake-the-stars.livejournal.com]

That is probably why the partnerships remain sekrit. ;)

Huh. I thought I put you on the filter for the other batch. Now I r confused. ANGST D:

I would imagine that all such messages are stupid, but I never touch MySpace, so I really don't know *g*

Probably for the best.

[tara]

I think that is a very good reason.

Did I comment? Have I had an amnesiac moment again or did I somehow miss the entry?

MySpace has a lot of very hot barely legal girls to perve on. (OMG I TOTALLY HAVE A CRUSH ON A STRAIGHT EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD ATM. I AM HOPING I WILL SEE A PHOTO AND BE DISGUSTED SOON.)

Indeed.

[shake-the-stars.livejournal.com]

We know the truth, even if the tabloids don't. ;)

I believe so, but it was in, like, March of last year and had a title that involved the phrase "Blurry Lee Theatre" somehow. So I don't blame you for not remembering it, because it wasn't memorable.

MySpace: pedo stomping grounds! (OMG BUT WHAT IF YOU'RE NOT DISGUSTED?)

[tara]

Ah, the tabloids always get it wrong.

AHA! I found them and I have no idea why I didn't save those at the time. Once I saw them again, I remembered seeing them the first time around. Especially the one with the coathanger growth out the side of your head *g* I still get to whine about Talyn seeing wedding photos, though!

Exactly! The men in their forties stalk me and I stalk the teenagers! (I DON'T KNOW! I AM EXPECTING TO BE AT LEAST DISAPPOINTED, THOUGH, BECAUSE I CURRENTLY PICTURE HER LOOKING LIKE THE PB OF THE CHARACTER SHE MOST OFTEN RPs WITH ME)

[shake-the-stars.livejournal.com]

Scarily, a substantial minority of the US population thinks the Weekly World News is "somewhat to very" reliable. O_O

I have since had the coathanger growth removed. *g* Fine, fine, since you insist: here (http://weddingchannel.kodakgallery.com/Slideshow.jsp?mode=fromshare&Uc=cbf8powz.b4oj3lgj&Uy=40jg15&Ux=0) are the wedding pictures. I am the penultimate one. Repeat after me: "I will not gaze upon the lard-flavored horror that is l33. I like my eyes where they are."

It's an unbreakable cycle of stalkage! (DOES HER PB HAVE LEGS IN YOUR IMAGINATION?)

[tara]

I have never read the paper/magazine, but it doesn't sound like something I'd trust.

Was it a complicated operation?

Oh, that's a great photo of you! You look very pretty in it, albeit slightly whatareyoudoingpointingthatcameraatme?!?!? (The bride's hat and veil are totally cool, too.)

Woe. (IT DOES! SHE IS ANOTHER ICON ON LEGS!)

[shake-the-stars.livejournal.com]

Let me put it this way: Batboy!: The Musical was loosely inspired by a series of stories they ran about Batboy's reign of terror across 12 states or sommat.

It was touch-and-go for a while there, but I am now coathanger-free and a little more normal-looking. *g*

Yeah, Dillan came around the side while I was talking to Anj and John and Wendy. And he was the groom, so I couldn't very well give him the finger. ^^; But thanks, even if I suspect you of wanting into my pants. :D

Angst. (OH NOES!!!! THEY'RE CONQUERING THE UNIVERSE!!!)

[tara]

Haha, really?! I have that musical *g*

I am pleased to hear it. It must have made public transportation an uncomfortable experience.

I think you should've given him the finger. It would've made for an interesting wedding album ;)

(EVIL ICONS AND EVIL TEENAGES. OH NO)

[shake-the-stars.livejournal.com]

Every now and then, the WWN trots out the old Batboy because sales will spike. *g* I was about 12 or 13 when he escaped from the custody of some or another scientific research facility and decided to live in a cave instead. While wreaking havoc, of course. *g*

Riding elevators was also awkward.

Yeah, but his wife is pretty cool and I didn't want to alienate her. *g* Besides, I just can't bring myself to be mean to people on their wedding days. Well, I might have been mean to my father and his wife, but I didn't go.

(OMG WE ARE THE DIRTY OLD WOMEN!!1!)

[tara]

Well, naturally. What else would a bat boy do if he were roaming about the countryside?

Although you could probably press the buttons in an amusing fashion.

I also failed to throw poo at Dom on her wedding day. We obviously suck at life.

(FLEE FROM OUR PERVY PATH!!!)

[shake-the-stars.livejournal.com]

I would venture to guess that urbanely walking old ladies across the street or rescuing kittens from trees would not be it *g*

If I tilted my head to one side, yes, I could just do it.

But you might've stained her dress, and that could have gone over badly. D: Clearly, we are teh all-l00zars.

(OUR PERVERSION WILL DESTROY ALL!!!!)

[tara]

In the musical it seems to mostly involve falling in love in a particularly lovesick manner *g*

It is a vita skill to have!

Surely everyone wants poostains on their hideously expensive wedding dresses, though?

(PERVINESS FOR THE WIN!)

[shake-the-stars.livejournal.com]

Well, the Batboy is half-human after all *g*

It could be like a Holstein wedding dress. Only with poo.

(ALL YOUR PERV IS BELONG TO US)

[tara]

He is indeed. And one needs to have a bit of loveydoveystuff in a musical.

Holstein as in the cow? Or am I missing something?

eepireallydohaveacrushonthisstupidgirlargh

[shake-the-stars.livejournal.com]

There you have it. :D

No, you're not missing anything. I was referring to the cows also.

[tara]

Now I feel like listening to Bat Boy instead of this Latin lecture ;)

My google ads are suggesting we might like to download a wedding cow *g*

hurrahformanycrushes

[dethorats]

Yay! Thank you! I'll have to try it out in the near future! Mmmm, pretzel goodness.

[shake-the-stars.livejournal.com]

Mmmm, yes. I'd suggest allotting a weekend with nothing else to do for the task, though. XD

[forgottensanity.livejournal.com]

*joins Lee*

I want mooooore Grisssssom. Without the beeeeard. /whine

[shake-the-stars.livejournal.com]

Computers are so evil and mean to us when we want to look at Teh Pretty. ;_;