xifeng: (Default)
JOB update: Sapping will to live, as usual. Hopefully this will just be temporary. I have an interview in Bloomington tomorrow, and while I'm trying not to pin all my hopes on it (the more so since it would create some not-altogether-desirable stress), it's nice to be potentially wanted.

MOOD update: Not getting any better, sad to say. Probably won't be better for some time to come. H, [livejournal.com profile] augustuscaesar, and m0mmy are, between the three of them, helping to salvage what little remains of my sanity. ♥ Also, the holidays are just around the corner, and blah blah blah angst blah blah blah backstory blah blah blah tedious drama the upshot of which is that I hate Christmas, which you probably already knew, so between all that I probably won't be worth much until January. I'll try not to snap at anyone but I may be bitchy. There may be entire entries dedicated to waaaaaaaangst. (Like this one, for instance).

RELIGION update: Flipped through a book of m0mmy's called Faith Rediscovered by Lawrence S. Cunningham, was rather uncomfortably shown myself, have been fiddling around with the faith of my mothers in my head. The short list:

My Religious Wangst, Let Me Show You It )

In conclusion, WANKYWANKYWANKWANK.

Going to bed now. I have too much to do before Thanksgiving and not enough time to do it in.
xifeng: (Narihira the great lover)
If I may sum up my weekend in one disjointed, capslocked phrase, BOOKS AND PAYCHECKS LOL.

I seem to have decided, despite all evidence to the contrary, that it would be a good idea to suggest that she be my w0m4n. This plan is almost certainly doomed to failure thanks to a variety of factors, and then you can all mock my emo wangst when same appears subsequently. I've just not settled on a decent time to do it; either Valentine's Day (yes, let's all be cheesy and corny and horribly cliché) or over the summer, which will have the bonus of a.) giving me some time to grow a pair and b.) making me feel a little less creepy about the whole enterprise.

I just think that if I don't do something, I'm going to have to watch her go out with someone else (AGAIN) and kick myself for, like, ever. I mean, yes, any relationship is necessarily going to have a time limit because I don't believe in The One and I'm not someone she should be with for the rest of her life (we would only make each other unhappy), but I do love her and I wish she'd let me walk with her a little way, even if I'm not there at the end of the road.

Love, it is a crock.
xifeng: (people like you don't actually exist)
Proof that there is no God: There is no tampon machine in the Union Co. courthouse building. Christ, even Hendo has a tampon machine.

This would not be of interest to me if I were not, as of today, on the proverbial rag. I was going to wait until my thirtieth birthday to have the lovely permanent sterilization procedure done, BUT I MIGHT NOT. (It can't be this year; I'm buying a car.)

Everything hurts, and at such times I wish I had a significant other who would rub my back for me, except I'm fundamentally too bitchy and ornery to attract one. I am bloated like an Alabama senator and liable to fly off the handle. I hate this. HAAAAAAAAAAAATE. With the FIERY BURNING PASSION OF A THOUSAND PITS OF HELL.

Also, I am a total fucking masochist, given the amount of work!responsibility I foolishly agreed to take on. At least I enjoy the unconditional love of my kitty, or what passes for unconditional love with cats; she's currently curled up on my foot, purring away. ♥

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Wang Xi-feng

July 2021

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