When I Grow Up, I Want to Not Have This Problem Anymore

[xifeng]

Dear skin,

Would it be too much to ask if I wanted you to please, please, please retain the moisture that I go to such pains to put in you? Please? I read Allure religiously. I try not to spend too long in the shower, although daily showers for me are not negotiable. I make sure to butter you with emollients after I get out, while your pores are still open. I quit smoking two years ago. I moisturize, despite my doomed quest to find a moisturizer that performs as advertised. I am on the verge of covering you with Crisco every night, even if my sheets do get all greasy.

I don't LIKE waking up in the middle of the night to claw at you and then getting up in the morning to wonder why there's blood under my fingernails. I don't LIKE the constant and indecorous need to scratch. I don't LIKE flakes. Remember when I was a little kid and I screamed bloody murder because you thought it would be really funny to develop seborrheic dermatitis and everything hurt me, including my pajamas?

And then if moisturizer gets anywhere near you, even if it says NON-COMEDOGENIC on the bottle, you scream and immediately sprout blackheads. This is ridiculous and must stop immediately, even if I do derive near-orgasmic joy from gouging blemishes. (Yes, I know not to do that, but I feel like I've won a moral victory when I get the embedded one that hurt like fuck.)

No love whatsoever,
Lee

PS: If I were going to have descendants, I would genetically engineer them to be a race of skinless uber-classicists.

Comments

[duokinneas.livejournal.com]

I feel your pain, though my problem isn't with dry skin, it's with the most irksome blackheads this planet has ever known and watched one person deal with. I also recommend that you shell out like no other for moisturizers. That isn't a suggestion that you follow my imperfect example and fork over fourteen dollars a bottle for Mary Kay lightweight moisturizer. However, I'm interested to know what moisturizers you have tried. I had terrible luck with lots of products available in stores like Target and your basic drugstore like Walgreens or Rite Aid. I'm not sure where you're buying, just that you must need something higher-end or prescription to be able to avoid the blackhead problem (mine are better now I use Mary Kay, really).

Also, I am sorry you're suffering, darling. I wish I had a seahorse wand to make it all better! **hugs you** You don't love your skin, but I love it just for being part of you, while simultaneously hating it for being cruel.

Also also, skinlessness scares me! O_O

[shake-the-stars.livejournal.com]

Oh, I do. I regularly salivate over bigger and better moisturizers with HYALURONIC ACID! and GRAPESEED OIL! and COCOA BUTTER! and CHRIST KNOWS WHAT ELSE!. So far, of everything I've tried, I've liked St. Ives' heavier moisturizer--it comes in a pink jar--best. For a long time, I only bought at Target or Wal-Mart or the CVS or whatever, because for a long time that was all I could afford. That's started to change, but I'm still a cheap bastard.

The stuff I use now is Oil of Olay with SPF 15 on my face, and some random lotion I picked up at Victoria's Secret years ago on my body. I had a bottle of Neutrogena lotion that my body just loved because I was actually not clawing at my shins by the end of the day, but alas, it is gone. ANGSTWOE.

*huggles her seahorse* I heartles you even if you don't have a seahorse wand (or a seahorse moisturizing wand, which would be even better). Also, your love of my skin touches me.

But darling! They'd be brilliant! They'd be GOD-CLASSICISTS!

[duokinneas.livejournal.com]

Every time I use St. Ives', my skin breaks out more, and when I used to use it on my legs after shaving, it gave me a rash something awful - even the lotion that was supposed to be fine for sensitive skin. I gave up on them and on buying from Target and such. My mom still buys from Walgreens and Target, even from the dollar stores, but I can't imagine doing that. With skin products and makeup, it occurs to me that the pricier it is, the better it works. I like Oil of Olay, and it doesn't come cheap! (Mom buys it and complains about the price every time. She's scarily money-conscious.)

**purrs and huggles back more tightly** If ever I get into the skin products business from playing scientist in my bathroom sink while the kids are at school, I will have a moisturizing wand. But I don't have one, and I'm glad our l0ff can prosper without it.

They'd be skinless. What use is intellect if you have to live in a bubble to protect your vital organs? **shudders**

[shake-the-stars.livejournal.com]

I'm not sensitive, just Very Dry, so I have rather more options. I'm not sure to what extent I agree that the pricier it is, the better, although Creme de la Mer, which moisturizes like whoa, is something that I don't expect to be able to afford in my lifetime (unless I go back to school, get a business degree and an MBA, and then climb the corporate ladder for the rest of my life. Or write a bestseller).

Our l0ff can pr0sp3r d3spit3 4dv3rs1ty!!!!111 ♥ If you ever do have a moisturizing wand, tell me about it. Plz, kthx.

O ye of little faith. They'd have super-uber brains. They'd figure it out, somehow. Even if they scared the crap out of little fluffkins in the process.

[anjala.livejournal.com]

en if I do derive near-orgasmic joy from gouging blemishes. (Yes, I know not to do that, but I feel like I've won a moral victory when I get the embedded one that hurt like fuck.)

Just to let you know that I do the same thing. But, I do mine here at work because the lighting in the women's bathroom has great light to see the damn things.

I am glad that I am not the only one.

[shake-the-stars.livejournal.com]

I know! Fluorescent light is THE SHIT, at least when it comes to magnifying all of one's blocked pores and such. I've gotten so bad about it that sometimes I don't realize when someone else has come in (like the red fingernail marks all over my nose aren't going to be a dead giveaway).

This has been yet more Sharing Time with l33. ^_-

[anjala.livejournal.com]

This has been yet more Sharing Time with l33.

Tune in tomorrow when you will hear l33 say, "da bomb."

Love ya!

[zyphryus.livejournal.com]

yeah, i know that victorious feel.
for some reason, I was developing very deep hard, slightly scarring zits near my mouth a few months ago. I shouldnt have bothered them so much, but I had to win! I had to get it out, like a cat trying to unearth a mole! VICTORY! thankfully, the slight scarring is gone now and (i think) and i havnt had reaccouring ones in a while

[shake-the-stars.livejournal.com]

Eww, deep hard zits are the worst! They hurt like hell and scream like unto the mandrake whenever you try to dig them out.

I feel like I need a victory dance whenever I get one. :D