blah blah blah gabble gabble gabble rhubarb rhubarb

[xifeng]

If I may sum up my weekend in one disjointed, capslocked phrase, BOOKS AND PAYCHECKS LOL.

I seem to have decided, despite all evidence to the contrary, that it would be a good idea to suggest that she be my w0m4n. This plan is almost certainly doomed to failure thanks to a variety of factors, and then you can all mock my emo wangst when same appears subsequently. I've just not settled on a decent time to do it; either Valentine's Day (yes, let's all be cheesy and corny and horribly cliché) or over the summer, which will have the bonus of a.) giving me some time to grow a pair and b.) making me feel a little less creepy about the whole enterprise.

I just think that if I don't do something, I'm going to have to watch her go out with someone else (AGAIN) and kick myself for, like, ever. I mean, yes, any relationship is necessarily going to have a time limit because I don't believe in The One and I'm not someone she should be with for the rest of her life (we would only make each other unhappy), but I do love her and I wish she'd let me walk with her a little way, even if I'm not there at the end of the road.

Love, it is a crock.

Comments

[shake-the-stars.livejournal.com]

I dunno; I was romantic as a teenager, and that's been well and thoroughly taken out of me. *g* But I ph33r V-Day, because I'm bombarded by advertisements that imply that I'm NO KIND OF MAN if I don't IMMEDIATELY BANKRUPT MYSELF on flowers and jewelry and suchlike. And I hate when people question my manhood.

I'm not sure if I'm sick of hiding it, although there is no longer any necessity for me to do so. I just...I'd like to know if this is something that I can ever, ever have, even if it is meant to ultimately be an ephemeral thing (OMG HE WHO IS BRAVE IS FINALLY DESTROYED TO BE NO MORE THAN DUST IN THE WIND AND THAT), because then at least I'd know. It is the cloud of uncertainty that gets me, I think.

ZOMG SHOW UR BALLZ LOL <--because I don't think I've capslocked enough in this comment

[tara]

True, it can happen, but we're dealing with Extreme Romanticism, which probably takes some major effort to shift ;)

I can understand that. Not knowing is one of the worst things in the world, IMO. Ten years after leaving school I still have unresolved questions I would like to ask one Christian Dillon, for example.

NO! MY BALLS ARE PRIVATE BETWEEN ME AND MY HAIRY BOLLOCKS FILTER!

[shake-the-stars.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that shit is impossible to scrub out. And it leaves nasty stains, too. *g*

If I'm going to be rejected, then yes, I'll live. I'll deal with it. But I'd rather know than waffle to and fro in Limbo. Though I can't say I have any unresolved issues about anybody in my past.

BUTBUT, I THOUGHT WE MEANT SOMETHING TO EACH OTHER, TARA D:

[tara]

MUCH LIKE POO!

I think that it's often easier to live with a definite no than a maybe. It can hurt more at first, but it's a sort, sharp pain, not a lingering one.

OI! MY BOLLOCKS! I CAN SHOW THEM TO WHO I WANT.

[shake-the-stars.livejournal.com]

ALWAYS WITH THE POO. THEY HAVE THERAPY FOR IT NOW, YOU KNOW.

Agreed. At least in the end you know you'll live and you don't have that hanging over your head.

BUT I'D SHOW YOU MINE! ;____;

[tara]

POO THERAPY?

Exactly. And there is only ever the chance of a positive answer if the question is asked :)

YOURS AREN'T AS MAGNIFICENTLY HAIRY AS MINE ARE, THOUGH.

[shake-the-stars.livejournal.com]

THERAPY TO HELP YOU NOT BE SO FIXATED ON POO.

There is that. I've been going back and forth with myself about it.

OH, MUST YOU RUB IT IN? YOU ARE CRUEL.

[tara]

I DO NOT WANT SUCH CRUEL THERAPY!

I think the key thing is that she is not the type to let a Confession change everything unless it's in a positive way, which is a v.good thing.

I KNOW THIS.

[shake-the-stars.livejournal.com]

WELL, IT IS EXPERIMENTAL AND THE INSURANCE DOES NOT ALWAYS COVER IT.

You're more confident than I am *g*

WOE, WOE, WOE. O WOE. *is a Persian out of Aeschylus*

[tara]

INSURANCE IS A POO TOO, THEN. A SLOPPY ONE AT THAT.

I think I've read enough to be fairly confident, even though I don't know her well. Let's face it, there's a reason you love her, and that reason is not that she's an intolerant bitch ;)

EW AESCHYLUS. *WANTS ARISTOPHANES*

[shake-the-stars.livejournal.com]

INSURANCE IS A BIG SMELLY POO WITH CORN CHUNKS. THE KIND THAT BURNS AND STINGS AS IT COMES OUT. (Gross-Out: it's the Fun game that everybody on LJ can play!)

The reason is that I have no sense of self-preservation ;)

AESCHYLUS 0WNZ. BUT THEN SO DOES ARISTOPHANES.

[tara]

THAT SOUNDS LIKE AN UNHEALTHY POO :(

Ha, yes, that would probably apply to most of my past interests. I'm totally over the recent crush, though, which is good. It's amazing what a mention of drugs will do.

ARISTOPHANES PWNS AESCHYLUS BECAUSE HE TALKS ABOUT POOING AND AESCHYLUS DOESN'T.

[shake-the-stars.livejournal.com]

WELL, IT'S JUST THAT THE HUMAN BODY CAN'T PROCESS CORN PROPERLY :(

Your drugs are my babies. I scream like a little girl at the thought of commitment and forever and that.

THE ONES WHERE AESCHYLUS TALKS ABOUT POO(ING) MUST HAVE BEEN LOST IN ANTIQUITY.