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xifengI'm still alive. I just don't feel like saying anything and don't have much interest in posting lately; other things are going on. It hasn't been a good week, and the prospects of it getting better are, at this point, not that great either.
I don't want to talk about it. Don't ask. Actually, apropos of nothing, and because it beats the fuck out of seventeen people asking if I'm okay (it gets old after the second time and I'm probably also getting it in real life too), here is something I wrote a while ago and kept meaning to post.
1.) Do not ask if I am okay. I understand that you're expressing concern, and I appreciate your intentions. That said, first, having to answer the same question fourteen times (both online and in real life) gets old. Second, I tend to operate on the assumption that if a thing is obvious to me, it will be obvious to everyone else, and it will likely be very obvious to me that I am not okay.
2.) Do not ask if I want to talk, or try to get me to talk, or ask a lot of questions. Again: I understand that you're expressing concern, and I appreciate it. However, being asked questions or exposed to repeated offers of sympathy, even when the other person means well, is disruptive. Because I am dysthymic and my depressive episodes aren't always situational, I need to sort of process it and figure it out inside my own head, and being asked questions or otherwise talked at is not conducive to this. It's not your problem, and it's not your responsibility to fix it for me.
3.) It is okay to say relatively neutral things like "I'm sorry you're feeling bad" or "hugs" or "Let me know if I can help/if you want to talk". The latter is something you should say only if a.) you really mean it and b.) you're only going to say it once and let it drop.
4.) If I want to talk about whatever is causing the depression, I will seek you out or initiate the conversation. If I don't do so, assume that I don't want to discuss it (or that I don't want to discuss it with you; if the latter, this is not a criticism of you as a person, nor a reflection on your friendship or trustworthiness. There are different reasons why I might choose to talk to one person rather than another).
5.) Do not, for the love of all that is good and holy, keep reiterating your availability or offering to talk. I know. I appreciate it. That said, my impulse is not to pull people closer--it's to push them away. Respect this if you like your internal organs where they are. If you keep crowding me, I will not feel loved and cared for--I will feel threatened and cornered, and I will react accordingly. Seriously, it's in your best interest to get the goddamn hell out of my fucking face.
6.) Odds are that there will be a significant fall-off in LJ posting. This does not mean I have gone away to kill myself (if I were going to kill myself, however, I would go off and do it and not post about it on LJ first). What it probably does mean is that I have nothing of interest to talk about and do not particularly feel like wangsting (it tires me out the first time and it doesn't improve if I write about OMG THARZ PAYYYN IN MAH SOUL WHICH IZ MOSTLY MAH OWN DAM FALT NEWAYZ at length). Also, I'm aware that I have an audience and that my audience is not particularly interested in hearing me pick myself apart at length.
7.) Understand that I might be slow about responding to comments/e-mail/phone calls, and may not have the energy to do so at all.
8.) I'll be back when I feel better. It might be two weeks or two months. In the meantime, go about your business as usual. Nothing to see here. Move along.
I don't want to talk about it. Don't ask. Actually, apropos of nothing, and because it beats the fuck out of seventeen people asking if I'm okay (it gets old after the second time and I'm probably also getting it in real life too), here is something I wrote a while ago and kept meaning to post.
1.) Do not ask if I am okay. I understand that you're expressing concern, and I appreciate your intentions. That said, first, having to answer the same question fourteen times (both online and in real life) gets old. Second, I tend to operate on the assumption that if a thing is obvious to me, it will be obvious to everyone else, and it will likely be very obvious to me that I am not okay.
2.) Do not ask if I want to talk, or try to get me to talk, or ask a lot of questions. Again: I understand that you're expressing concern, and I appreciate it. However, being asked questions or exposed to repeated offers of sympathy, even when the other person means well, is disruptive. Because I am dysthymic and my depressive episodes aren't always situational, I need to sort of process it and figure it out inside my own head, and being asked questions or otherwise talked at is not conducive to this. It's not your problem, and it's not your responsibility to fix it for me.
3.) It is okay to say relatively neutral things like "I'm sorry you're feeling bad" or "hugs" or "Let me know if I can help/if you want to talk". The latter is something you should say only if a.) you really mean it and b.) you're only going to say it once and let it drop.
4.) If I want to talk about whatever is causing the depression, I will seek you out or initiate the conversation. If I don't do so, assume that I don't want to discuss it (or that I don't want to discuss it with you; if the latter, this is not a criticism of you as a person, nor a reflection on your friendship or trustworthiness. There are different reasons why I might choose to talk to one person rather than another).
5.) Do not, for the love of all that is good and holy, keep reiterating your availability or offering to talk. I know. I appreciate it. That said, my impulse is not to pull people closer--it's to push them away. Respect this if you like your internal organs where they are. If you keep crowding me, I will not feel loved and cared for--I will feel threatened and cornered, and I will react accordingly. Seriously, it's in your best interest to get the goddamn hell out of my fucking face.
6.) Odds are that there will be a significant fall-off in LJ posting. This does not mean I have gone away to kill myself (if I were going to kill myself, however, I would go off and do it and not post about it on LJ first). What it probably does mean is that I have nothing of interest to talk about and do not particularly feel like wangsting (it tires me out the first time and it doesn't improve if I write about OMG THARZ PAYYYN IN MAH SOUL WHICH IZ MOSTLY MAH OWN DAM FALT NEWAYZ at length). Also, I'm aware that I have an audience and that my audience is not particularly interested in hearing me pick myself apart at length.
7.) Understand that I might be slow about responding to comments/e-mail/phone calls, and may not have the energy to do so at all.
8.) I'll be back when I feel better. It might be two weeks or two months. In the meantime, go about your business as usual. Nothing to see here. Move along.
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no subject
Date: 2007-12-21 03:03 am (UTC)Also, I don't know if you're still having issues with your little MySpace stalker whose spleen you were going to eat, but I did mention your predicament to X-chan. She gives a hearty thumbs-up to the spleen-eating plan, but also says you should be sure to mention your colostomy bag at every possible occasion, as nothing turns guys off like a bag of shit. XD
Well, nothing should turn guys off like a bag of shit, anyway. @_@