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xifengI'm still alive. I just don't feel like saying anything and don't have much interest in posting lately; other things are going on. It hasn't been a good week, and the prospects of it getting better are, at this point, not that great either.
I don't want to talk about it. Don't ask. Actually, apropos of nothing, and because it beats the fuck out of seventeen people asking if I'm okay (it gets old after the second time and I'm probably also getting it in real life too), here is something I wrote a while ago and kept meaning to post.
1.) Do not ask if I am okay. I understand that you're expressing concern, and I appreciate your intentions. That said, first, having to answer the same question fourteen times (both online and in real life) gets old. Second, I tend to operate on the assumption that if a thing is obvious to me, it will be obvious to everyone else, and it will likely be very obvious to me that I am not okay.
2.) Do not ask if I want to talk, or try to get me to talk, or ask a lot of questions. Again: I understand that you're expressing concern, and I appreciate it. However, being asked questions or exposed to repeated offers of sympathy, even when the other person means well, is disruptive. Because I am dysthymic and my depressive episodes aren't always situational, I need to sort of process it and figure it out inside my own head, and being asked questions or otherwise talked at is not conducive to this. It's not your problem, and it's not your responsibility to fix it for me.
3.) It is okay to say relatively neutral things like "I'm sorry you're feeling bad" or "hugs" or "Let me know if I can help/if you want to talk". The latter is something you should say only if a.) you really mean it and b.) you're only going to say it once and let it drop.
4.) If I want to talk about whatever is causing the depression, I will seek you out or initiate the conversation. If I don't do so, assume that I don't want to discuss it (or that I don't want to discuss it with you; if the latter, this is not a criticism of you as a person, nor a reflection on your friendship or trustworthiness. There are different reasons why I might choose to talk to one person rather than another).
5.) Do not, for the love of all that is good and holy, keep reiterating your availability or offering to talk. I know. I appreciate it. That said, my impulse is not to pull people closer--it's to push them away. Respect this if you like your internal organs where they are. If you keep crowding me, I will not feel loved and cared for--I will feel threatened and cornered, and I will react accordingly. Seriously, it's in your best interest to get the goddamn hell out of my fucking face.
6.) Odds are that there will be a significant fall-off in LJ posting. This does not mean I have gone away to kill myself (if I were going to kill myself, however, I would go off and do it and not post about it on LJ first). What it probably does mean is that I have nothing of interest to talk about and do not particularly feel like wangsting (it tires me out the first time and it doesn't improve if I write about OMG THARZ PAYYYN IN MAH SOUL WHICH IZ MOSTLY MAH OWN DAM FALT NEWAYZ at length). Also, I'm aware that I have an audience and that my audience is not particularly interested in hearing me pick myself apart at length.
7.) Understand that I might be slow about responding to comments/e-mail/phone calls, and may not have the energy to do so at all.
8.) I'll be back when I feel better. It might be two weeks or two months. In the meantime, go about your business as usual. Nothing to see here. Move along.
I don't want to talk about it. Don't ask. Actually, apropos of nothing, and because it beats the fuck out of seventeen people asking if I'm okay (it gets old after the second time and I'm probably also getting it in real life too), here is something I wrote a while ago and kept meaning to post.
1.) Do not ask if I am okay. I understand that you're expressing concern, and I appreciate your intentions. That said, first, having to answer the same question fourteen times (both online and in real life) gets old. Second, I tend to operate on the assumption that if a thing is obvious to me, it will be obvious to everyone else, and it will likely be very obvious to me that I am not okay.
2.) Do not ask if I want to talk, or try to get me to talk, or ask a lot of questions. Again: I understand that you're expressing concern, and I appreciate it. However, being asked questions or exposed to repeated offers of sympathy, even when the other person means well, is disruptive. Because I am dysthymic and my depressive episodes aren't always situational, I need to sort of process it and figure it out inside my own head, and being asked questions or otherwise talked at is not conducive to this. It's not your problem, and it's not your responsibility to fix it for me.
3.) It is okay to say relatively neutral things like "I'm sorry you're feeling bad" or "hugs" or "Let me know if I can help/if you want to talk". The latter is something you should say only if a.) you really mean it and b.) you're only going to say it once and let it drop.
4.) If I want to talk about whatever is causing the depression, I will seek you out or initiate the conversation. If I don't do so, assume that I don't want to discuss it (or that I don't want to discuss it with you; if the latter, this is not a criticism of you as a person, nor a reflection on your friendship or trustworthiness. There are different reasons why I might choose to talk to one person rather than another).
5.) Do not, for the love of all that is good and holy, keep reiterating your availability or offering to talk. I know. I appreciate it. That said, my impulse is not to pull people closer--it's to push them away. Respect this if you like your internal organs where they are. If you keep crowding me, I will not feel loved and cared for--I will feel threatened and cornered, and I will react accordingly. Seriously, it's in your best interest to get the goddamn hell out of my fucking face.
6.) Odds are that there will be a significant fall-off in LJ posting. This does not mean I have gone away to kill myself (if I were going to kill myself, however, I would go off and do it and not post about it on LJ first). What it probably does mean is that I have nothing of interest to talk about and do not particularly feel like wangsting (it tires me out the first time and it doesn't improve if I write about OMG THARZ PAYYYN IN MAH SOUL WHICH IZ MOSTLY MAH OWN DAM FALT NEWAYZ at length). Also, I'm aware that I have an audience and that my audience is not particularly interested in hearing me pick myself apart at length.
7.) Understand that I might be slow about responding to comments/e-mail/phone calls, and may not have the energy to do so at all.
8.) I'll be back when I feel better. It might be two weeks or two months. In the meantime, go about your business as usual. Nothing to see here. Move along.
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no subject
Date: 2007-12-20 02:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-12-22 03:10 am (UTC)Understood...
Date: 2007-12-20 04:09 pm (UTC)Much Love!
Anj
Re: Understood...
Date: 2007-12-22 03:20 am (UTC)Btw, you're not the worst offender re: asking whether I'm okay; it's just that I'm usually getting it in real life, too, so by the time I log onto the Int0rbutt, my inner voice of reason has to kick in and say, "Lee! Don't smash Anjie! She's just trying to help! Anjie good!" ^_-
♥
no subject
Date: 2007-12-20 10:10 pm (UTC)Also, you are not allowed to kill yourself, because Mum knows that you are one of the people she needs to contact if I were to accidentally walk under a bus, and it would put an inconvenient spanner in those works if she were unable to get hold of you.
no subject
Date: 2007-12-21 03:21 am (UTC)strappedlazy to do anything about it right this instant, so I can't use the OMG TARA icon like I normally would here.So: HELLO OMG TARA I LOVE YOU TOO ♥♥
Plz don't accidentally walk under a bus. You would die, and that would suck. D: However, I would hate for your mum to be unable to contact me in the event of your walking under a bus (the one parked right under the novelty sign, knowing which cards we're likely to pick here), so will remain alive as per your instructions. (Also I have a couple of interviews next week, so I have to live at least THAT long *g*)
Also, teh m0mmy saw your package lying--unopened, thxvrymuch :D--on the dining room table and squeed. She liked your address on principle, as foreign addresses sound so much more interesting to her, but thought the street name sounded a bit like the name of one of those wanky upscale subdivisions that people like my father are into. I said both your parents are teachers, so the odds of your living in such a subdivision were pretty long *g*
Plus, developers aren't known for their mad spelling skyllz, so over here it would likely be called, say, The Woodes at Wyndehav'qenne (the Q is silent!!!11). Or, even worse, The Oakes at Quayle Banques, thus ensuring that neither oaks nor quail nor riverbanks were to be found.
no subject
Date: 2007-12-22 02:45 am (UTC)HURRAH FOR MUTUAL LOVINGZ ♥
It would be very inconvenient for the person interviewing you if you should not turn up, so yes, it's important to live at least until you have decided whether you'd like their job or prefer to tell them where they can stick it.
I am afraid we're not a wanky subdivision. We're a very suburbia-like street, with lots of similar-looking houses with two cars and nice gardens *g* Warragul has a bad habit of having sections of town all with themed names. So Windhaven Court is a street up from Hillendale Road in our little Wanky Name Pocket, while up near my old school we have the Australian Native Flora Pocket (Acacia Street, Waratah Drive, Boronia Street etc) and near my grandmother's house it is the Scottish Pocket (Dundee Street, Inverness Way, Edinburgh Street, Aberdeen Street etc)
no subject
Date: 2007-12-22 03:42 am (UTC)OURLOVEISSO
DOOMEDTRUE ♥I think I've reached the Point of No Return, because I am now so desperate that I've almost convinced myself that it would be a good idea to take the telemarketing job I'm interviewing for, and which I'm pretty sure I can have if I want. D: I mean, it would be 35 hours a week, I'd be back in Bloomington, I'd work a flexible schedule, I wouldn't have to pretend to give a shit about people's feelings, and I could still look for other work. (I'd probably have to get a temporary room at the boardinghouse or sommat, though, because right now I'm not in a good place to put money down on an apartment.)
All these Pockets Of Warragul make me think of popular American frozen snack treat (well, "frozen" in the sense that you get it in the frozen food isle) Hot Pockets. The Scottish Pocket would contain haggis, or sausage and hard-boiled egg, and I don't want to think about the Wanky Name Pocket's contents *g*
Hillendale Road reminds me of Hill 'n Dale's, which was a bar in San Antonio (on the outskirts; it was a salt-of-the-earth, blue-collar type bar, not a wanky upscale one). Its main draw was advertised prominently on its facade: COLD BEER.
Speaking of other wanky names: there's a subdivision in Jeffersonville whose road names are dedicated to the developer's deep love of Elvis. (If I were a developer, I would totally be naming streets things like "No Way" and "Take Whoever Paved This To Court" and "Technically Not A Road", or possibly going for the succinct, but nevertheless hilarious, "Bum Boulevard", "Poo Place", etc.) and there's also a subdivision in Evansville that never fails to crack me up. Jason and Courtnay Williams, you see, were so deeply in love that they decided to commemorate the depth of their rare, pure, eternal love by naming a subdivision after themselves.
Then they got divorced. I wonder if they changed the subdivision name, and if so, who has his or her name on the subdivision now. *g*
no subject
Date: 2007-12-22 05:19 am (UTC)They brought out hot pockets here for about five minutes, but they didn't do very well, despite a major advertising campaign. That happens a lot with US food.
What is it about people and stupid names? Although that probably bugs me slightly less than the streets that are present in Every Single Town And City *g* Good luck finding a place in Australia that doesn't have a King Street or a Queen Street, for starters :D
no subject
Date: 2007-12-23 02:39 am (UTC)Hot Pockets are not that great, in my opinion, though I suspect Price would beg to differ because they keep her alive. *g*
We don't have King or Queen Streets, though there is a recognizable street-naming pattern. You usually start with your Main Street, and then you've got numbered streets (1st, 2nd, 3rd, etc.). After that, you usually move on to the names of flora (Cherry, Walnut, Maple, and so on) and early presidents (Washington, Jefferson, Madison). You might also see a State Street. Generally, these are the older streets in any town. After these names have been used, you should feel free to run wild with the wankiest names you can imagine. *g*
no subject
Date: 2007-12-24 01:23 am (UTC)I'm not sure I've ever tried one. They looked a bit... unappealing.
I find your numbers far too complimacated to remember. Yes, I'm sure it's easy to find stuff... but you have to actually remember whether it's 45th or 54th you need first *g*
no subject
Date: 2007-12-20 11:03 pm (UTC)CAN I OFFER YOU SOME RHUBARB, GOOD SIR? :D
no subject
Date: 2007-12-21 03:03 am (UTC)Also, I don't know if you're still having issues with your little MySpace stalker whose spleen you were going to eat, but I did mention your predicament to X-chan. She gives a hearty thumbs-up to the spleen-eating plan, but also says you should be sure to mention your colostomy bag at every possible occasion, as nothing turns guys off like a bag of shit. XD
Well, nothing should turn guys off like a bag of shit, anyway. @_@
no subject
Date: 2007-12-23 10:06 am (UTC)However, if you ever feel like you need a new bouquet of flowers or anything else, you are welcome to mail me a request. Or a comment, whichever suits the situation best.
no subject
Date: 2007-12-28 01:57 am (UTC)I shall take you up on that offer, if I feel like I need a new bouquet of flowers. ^_-