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xifengI'm still alive. I just don't feel like saying anything and don't have much interest in posting lately; other things are going on. It hasn't been a good week, and the prospects of it getting better are, at this point, not that great either.
I don't want to talk about it. Don't ask. Actually, apropos of nothing, and because it beats the fuck out of seventeen people asking if I'm okay (it gets old after the second time and I'm probably also getting it in real life too), here is something I wrote a while ago and kept meaning to post.
1.) Do not ask if I am okay. I understand that you're expressing concern, and I appreciate your intentions. That said, first, having to answer the same question fourteen times (both online and in real life) gets old. Second, I tend to operate on the assumption that if a thing is obvious to me, it will be obvious to everyone else, and it will likely be very obvious to me that I am not okay.
2.) Do not ask if I want to talk, or try to get me to talk, or ask a lot of questions. Again: I understand that you're expressing concern, and I appreciate it. However, being asked questions or exposed to repeated offers of sympathy, even when the other person means well, is disruptive. Because I am dysthymic and my depressive episodes aren't always situational, I need to sort of process it and figure it out inside my own head, and being asked questions or otherwise talked at is not conducive to this. It's not your problem, and it's not your responsibility to fix it for me.
3.) It is okay to say relatively neutral things like "I'm sorry you're feeling bad" or "hugs" or "Let me know if I can help/if you want to talk". The latter is something you should say only if a.) you really mean it and b.) you're only going to say it once and let it drop.
4.) If I want to talk about whatever is causing the depression, I will seek you out or initiate the conversation. If I don't do so, assume that I don't want to discuss it (or that I don't want to discuss it with you; if the latter, this is not a criticism of you as a person, nor a reflection on your friendship or trustworthiness. There are different reasons why I might choose to talk to one person rather than another).
5.) Do not, for the love of all that is good and holy, keep reiterating your availability or offering to talk. I know. I appreciate it. That said, my impulse is not to pull people closer--it's to push them away. Respect this if you like your internal organs where they are. If you keep crowding me, I will not feel loved and cared for--I will feel threatened and cornered, and I will react accordingly. Seriously, it's in your best interest to get the goddamn hell out of my fucking face.
6.) Odds are that there will be a significant fall-off in LJ posting. This does not mean I have gone away to kill myself (if I were going to kill myself, however, I would go off and do it and not post about it on LJ first). What it probably does mean is that I have nothing of interest to talk about and do not particularly feel like wangsting (it tires me out the first time and it doesn't improve if I write about OMG THARZ PAYYYN IN MAH SOUL WHICH IZ MOSTLY MAH OWN DAM FALT NEWAYZ at length). Also, I'm aware that I have an audience and that my audience is not particularly interested in hearing me pick myself apart at length.
7.) Understand that I might be slow about responding to comments/e-mail/phone calls, and may not have the energy to do so at all.
8.) I'll be back when I feel better. It might be two weeks or two months. In the meantime, go about your business as usual. Nothing to see here. Move along.
I don't want to talk about it. Don't ask. Actually, apropos of nothing, and because it beats the fuck out of seventeen people asking if I'm okay (it gets old after the second time and I'm probably also getting it in real life too), here is something I wrote a while ago and kept meaning to post.
1.) Do not ask if I am okay. I understand that you're expressing concern, and I appreciate your intentions. That said, first, having to answer the same question fourteen times (both online and in real life) gets old. Second, I tend to operate on the assumption that if a thing is obvious to me, it will be obvious to everyone else, and it will likely be very obvious to me that I am not okay.
2.) Do not ask if I want to talk, or try to get me to talk, or ask a lot of questions. Again: I understand that you're expressing concern, and I appreciate it. However, being asked questions or exposed to repeated offers of sympathy, even when the other person means well, is disruptive. Because I am dysthymic and my depressive episodes aren't always situational, I need to sort of process it and figure it out inside my own head, and being asked questions or otherwise talked at is not conducive to this. It's not your problem, and it's not your responsibility to fix it for me.
3.) It is okay to say relatively neutral things like "I'm sorry you're feeling bad" or "hugs" or "Let me know if I can help/if you want to talk". The latter is something you should say only if a.) you really mean it and b.) you're only going to say it once and let it drop.
4.) If I want to talk about whatever is causing the depression, I will seek you out or initiate the conversation. If I don't do so, assume that I don't want to discuss it (or that I don't want to discuss it with you; if the latter, this is not a criticism of you as a person, nor a reflection on your friendship or trustworthiness. There are different reasons why I might choose to talk to one person rather than another).
5.) Do not, for the love of all that is good and holy, keep reiterating your availability or offering to talk. I know. I appreciate it. That said, my impulse is not to pull people closer--it's to push them away. Respect this if you like your internal organs where they are. If you keep crowding me, I will not feel loved and cared for--I will feel threatened and cornered, and I will react accordingly. Seriously, it's in your best interest to get the goddamn hell out of my fucking face.
6.) Odds are that there will be a significant fall-off in LJ posting. This does not mean I have gone away to kill myself (if I were going to kill myself, however, I would go off and do it and not post about it on LJ first). What it probably does mean is that I have nothing of interest to talk about and do not particularly feel like wangsting (it tires me out the first time and it doesn't improve if I write about OMG THARZ PAYYYN IN MAH SOUL WHICH IZ MOSTLY MAH OWN DAM FALT NEWAYZ at length). Also, I'm aware that I have an audience and that my audience is not particularly interested in hearing me pick myself apart at length.
7.) Understand that I might be slow about responding to comments/e-mail/phone calls, and may not have the energy to do so at all.
8.) I'll be back when I feel better. It might be two weeks or two months. In the meantime, go about your business as usual. Nothing to see here. Move along.
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no subject
Date: 2007-12-22 03:42 am (UTC)OURLOVEISSO
DOOMEDTRUE ♥I think I've reached the Point of No Return, because I am now so desperate that I've almost convinced myself that it would be a good idea to take the telemarketing job I'm interviewing for, and which I'm pretty sure I can have if I want. D: I mean, it would be 35 hours a week, I'd be back in Bloomington, I'd work a flexible schedule, I wouldn't have to pretend to give a shit about people's feelings, and I could still look for other work. (I'd probably have to get a temporary room at the boardinghouse or sommat, though, because right now I'm not in a good place to put money down on an apartment.)
All these Pockets Of Warragul make me think of popular American frozen snack treat (well, "frozen" in the sense that you get it in the frozen food isle) Hot Pockets. The Scottish Pocket would contain haggis, or sausage and hard-boiled egg, and I don't want to think about the Wanky Name Pocket's contents *g*
Hillendale Road reminds me of Hill 'n Dale's, which was a bar in San Antonio (on the outskirts; it was a salt-of-the-earth, blue-collar type bar, not a wanky upscale one). Its main draw was advertised prominently on its facade: COLD BEER.
Speaking of other wanky names: there's a subdivision in Jeffersonville whose road names are dedicated to the developer's deep love of Elvis. (If I were a developer, I would totally be naming streets things like "No Way" and "Take Whoever Paved This To Court" and "Technically Not A Road", or possibly going for the succinct, but nevertheless hilarious, "Bum Boulevard", "Poo Place", etc.) and there's also a subdivision in Evansville that never fails to crack me up. Jason and Courtnay Williams, you see, were so deeply in love that they decided to commemorate the depth of their rare, pure, eternal love by naming a subdivision after themselves.
Then they got divorced. I wonder if they changed the subdivision name, and if so, who has his or her name on the subdivision now. *g*
no subject
Date: 2007-12-22 05:19 am (UTC)They brought out hot pockets here for about five minutes, but they didn't do very well, despite a major advertising campaign. That happens a lot with US food.
What is it about people and stupid names? Although that probably bugs me slightly less than the streets that are present in Every Single Town And City *g* Good luck finding a place in Australia that doesn't have a King Street or a Queen Street, for starters :D
no subject
Date: 2007-12-23 02:39 am (UTC)Hot Pockets are not that great, in my opinion, though I suspect Price would beg to differ because they keep her alive. *g*
We don't have King or Queen Streets, though there is a recognizable street-naming pattern. You usually start with your Main Street, and then you've got numbered streets (1st, 2nd, 3rd, etc.). After that, you usually move on to the names of flora (Cherry, Walnut, Maple, and so on) and early presidents (Washington, Jefferson, Madison). You might also see a State Street. Generally, these are the older streets in any town. After these names have been used, you should feel free to run wild with the wankiest names you can imagine. *g*
no subject
Date: 2007-12-24 01:23 am (UTC)I'm not sure I've ever tried one. They looked a bit... unappealing.
I find your numbers far too complimacated to remember. Yes, I'm sure it's easy to find stuff... but you have to actually remember whether it's 45th or 54th you need first *g*